3 Keys to a More Stable High Lunge

“Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down!” was a clever marketing catch phrase from my childhood (oh Lordy am I dating myself now!) and something I’ve been known to say to encourage my students with a smile and a laugh when they’re having a hard time in balancing postures. One posture that this comes up in is high lunge. It’s a common posture in a vinyasa practice and can present some real challenges depending on where you find it in a sequence and how fast it flies by. But I’m here to help! Here are 3 strategies that might make this posture more stable (and even enjoyable!) for you.

1. Set yourself up for success by aligning your feet well. Foundation is always the first thing to consider in any yoga posture, and how you align your feet in this pose will either set you up for success or failure when you try to lift your torso.

Traditionally, if you’re standing in tadasana or mountain pose, you may have been taught to have your big toes touching and your heels slightly separated. While that may work for some bodies, including the traditionally slight statured Indian male, if you’re an American woman such as me, you may find this not only unstable but restrictive in your outer hips. Instead, take your feet farther apart. I usually say sit bones distance, which can be measured by taking your two fists between the arches of your feet. With that little bit of extra space, you’ll have created a broader foundation for whatever you build on top.

Now with that broader foundation, as you bend forward and step one foot back to prepare for high lunge, see that the foot that goes back stays in that same line. There’s a natural tendency for it to drift into the center of the mat a bit, so resist that tendency and keep the foot wide to the side. This way, when you come up into your high lunge you’ll have that broader base to support you and maintain stability.

2. Draw the torso up through center rather than forward and up. This is subtle, but this is an energy management strategy. If you try to reach your arms forward as you lift the torso your energy and your focus will move OUT rather that in and up. Think of it this way, if you wanted to shoot and arrow up into the sky you wouldn’t aim it forward first and then expect it to turn upward somehow. The same is true for the energy of lift that you’ll need to bring up your torso.

Instead, as you exhale (because breath is always a good part of any strategy in a yoga posture), draw your arms up through center as you lift your torso. You might imagine that as you start to lift you’re going to take your hands up from the ground bending your elbows to touch your outer hips first, then draw them along the sides of your torso and up to the sky. Your torso will naturally follow this movement and you’ll contain your energy output to move in the direction you want to move, rather than a direction that isn’t necessary.

3. Engage the muscles surrounding your outer hips. This is an area we don’t think about very much in daily life, but the group of muscles that surround your outer hips are so important to creating stability in any standing posture.

As you move into the pose, feel as if these outer hip muscles are squeezing in towards the center of your body and maintain that feeling as you hold the posture. It’s as if someone came behind you and placed their hands on your outer hips and gave them a hug. You can even use your own hands to create this feeling and notice if the muscles here are doing the work you’re asking of them.

Having a hard time connecting to these muscles? We’re working on strengthening and engaging this area in my classes all this month. Come in for a class or sign up for Digital Membership to learn how to engage and strengthen this important area of your body more readily!

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Creating Lasting Change

It’s that time of year again! The time where you may be looking around at your life or health or surroundings and thinking it’s time to make some changes. But did you know that a whopping 80% of New Year’s Resolutions fail?? If you’re finding your resolve flagging already in these first few days of the New Year, here are some big ideas to help you create lasting change and a FREE PDF to help you map your way forward!

Identify The Problem

This may seem obvious but it really isn’t in some ways depending on what it is you wish to change. If you spend a small amount of time really identifying what it is that you’re trying to solve, that clarity will make what comes next that much easier.

The Biggest of the Big Ideas - Start Small and Break It Down!

You may have heard this advice in the past, but there’s a lot of truth to it in my experience. Too often, when we see that big changes need to be made and we’re at the point of being sick and tired of whatever it is and totally fed up we may go a bit off the deep end and try to do something huge. Not that I’ve ever done that. ;-)

And then we end up failing and have an even bigger mess to deal with later. Or we just give up entirely. And then we really get nowhere.

So as you look at whatever the problem is, let’s take health for an example, you may see this huge problem and want to attack it from all angles at once. Let’s say your diet is terrible, you don’t exercise, and you work too much. If you try to change all of those things at once, it just isn’t going to work and you’re probably going to be back on the couch eating potato chips night after night (mmm…. potato chips… /ahem).

What’s one thing you can do to start in the right direction? Maybe it’s exercise. What if you started by parking farther away from the places you need to go, whether that’s the office, the grocery store or something else. By doing so, you would be moving your body more because you would have to walk farther to get where you need to be. That one small change might just start to make you strong enough to then start taking regular daily walks. Maybe they start out as 5 minutes around the office on your lunch break. They might get longer from there. You may find yourself suddenly outside for an hour before you know it! Maybe that leads to the next small change, and then the next…

Make a Plan

In order to make change you have to have a plan. That may seem time consuming but, “If you fail to plan you plan to fail” isn’t a thing we’ve heard a million times for no reason. Any successful endeavor starts with a plan, whether that’s a big project at your job, a home improvement or changing some aspect of your life. This is where old fashioned paper and pen(cil) can really come in handy. There’s just something about writing it all down and mapping it out in front of you.

Set a Timeline

This isn’t want you think. Instead of saying I have to do such and such by this date, set a date where you’re going to begin your first small change. Nothing can change if you don’t simply START. By writing down a date or putting it on your calendar you make a commitment to yourself to simply begin. Give that some time, then move on to the next and the next…

Finally and Most Importantly - Take Time to Reflect and Take In the Good!

After some time, maybe a month, maybe several, take the time to reflect on the changes you’ve implemented. They might not all be winners, but have they moved you in the right direction. Be honest, but also remember the negativity bias of your brain and take in the good! Take the time to celebrate what DID work for you and what HAS changed. As those small accomplishments add up you’ll be more motivated to keep going. And that’s where the real magic lies.

To help you with this process I’ve thrown together a simple little PDF that might help you map out your plan on paper. You can find that here. I hope it helps you! Let me know if it does!

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Finding Balance During the Holidays

Been feeling a bit out of balance lately? Me too. According to Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga, we are well into Vata season which can make us feel a little bit spacey, dry out our skin, make our digestion a little questionable and leave us generally just feeling ungrounded. And it sure did seem to sneak up on us quickly this year! What’s worse, we know that the holiday season is close at hand and all of these things may get exacerbated even more by all the hustle and bustle and stress.

But Yoga and Ayurveda are here to help! Here are a few simple ideas to help you maintain balance (and maybe even your sanity) as the busy holiday season approaches.

The qualities of Vata are light, dry, rough, clear, active, cold and mobile.

The tastes associated with Vata are pungent, bitter and astringent.

These are the qualities and tastes that we want to AVOID at this time of year. There is a basic principle in Ayurveda that says Like Increases Like. If you remember that little catch phrase, you’ll know just what to do. Here are some examples relevant to the holiday season:

At a holiday party? Avoid the dry crackers and cold raw veggies. Now is definitely not the time for the salad! Head for the soup, especially if it has a root vegetable base. Warm mulled apple cider with some warming spices is a great choice for a beverage. Go easy on the alcohol, they don’t call it fire water for no reason! Find the items that are cooked, not super spicy, maybe even a little bit sweet and have some weight to them. Mmm… pumpkin pie…

Got a million family members to see? Try your best to not over schedule yourself. Can you spread out the merriment over the course of the holidays? Maybe you see Aunt Tilly at Thanksgiving, and then see Aunt Marge the week after. Or maybe you can even wait to see those friends you’ve been meaning to see until after the New Year. It will give you a little break from all the running around to recover (see active and mobile above) and prolonging the joy of the holiday season isn’t the worst thing in the world (providing you find it joyful, but that’s for another post).

Got some outdoor activities planned? Maybe you have a tradition of cutting your own Christmas tree or caroling with friends or family. Maybe you go for a hike on New Years Day. Great!! Just pay special attention to staying warm. Don’t forget to leave a good quality thermos with some of that hot cider or hot chocolate in the car for when you’re done and make sure you have a good layering system. If you’re like me and you always seem to have cold hands and feet no matter how good your gloves or socks are, consider picking up some chemical hand warmers or maybe even ask someone to get you a rechargeable hand warmer for a holiday gift or maybe even these reusable ones.

Outside of the days and times of celebrating, here are a few other ideas:

Maintain a daily routine - I find this one particularly challenging, especially with my all-over-the-place work schedule, but as I’ve been reminded lately, keeping some kind of daily routine is huge for balancing Vata. It really doesn’t have to be complicated. As I mentioned in this video, one thing I’ve implemented lately is a strict sleep and wake schedule. Just that little container for my day has made a huge difference in my energy levels in a short period of time. And hey, maybe that’s a good excuse to get out of that party you really didn’t want to go to a little sooner anyway ( What?! Don’t tell me you don’t have those! ;-) ). If you really want to go for it in this area you might investigate Ayurveda’s recommendations for a full daily routine.

Choose physical exercise that is slow and grounding - Yoga anyone? But seriously! Your yoga practice can either help relieve your symptoms this time of year or make them worse. If you always do a hot, fast paced practice it may be time to slow it down and cool it off just a bit. Maybe you add some strength training to your weekly exercise regimen (this is really never a bad idea at any time of year). Walking can be a great form of exercise and time in nature can be very balancing to Vata, but be sure you’re staying warm if you head outside.

Create a home environment that is soothing - The Danish concept of hygge was pretty popular a year or two ago and it still holds true for this time of year, especially in places like New Hampshire that are cold and dark. Light some candles, put on the big sweater, drink copious amounts of your favorite tea, turn off the TV, fire up the fire place and enjoy some coziness and warmth.

Up your self care game - This can be tough when we’re just SO BUSY and have so many things to do. But if you don’t fill your own cup you have nothing to give. Consider that what your loved ones really want is the best version of YOU this holiday season, and that isn’t going to be the you that is stressed to the max trying to make it all happen. Go get a massage. Book an acupuncture appointment. Shut the door to the office and do some Yoga Nidra. Take the time to read a good book for pleasure rather than study or research. Do what will nourish you the most and protect that time like you would any other important appointment.

If you want to learn more about Ayurveda and your own personal constitution I highly recommend taking the quiz on the Banyan Botanicals website (no affiliation, just love their resources). You’ll learn more about your particular make up and what may be out of balance for you right now. And if you find yourself really wanting to know more, head over to Amala Wellness and get a consultation with Susan Morgan, a real Ayurvedic practitioner in our area who can do a full evaluation and get you headed in the right direction for your own wellness goals and unique constitution.

I hope you found these ideas helpful! Did I miss something? I’d love to hear what you’re doing to keep yourself in balance during this busy time of year. Leave me a comment to let me know and share with our community!

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No More Banana Back!

In today’s blog post I’d like to give you a visual and verbal understanding of a very common condition amongst yoga practitioners in various postures that involve extending the hip joint.

Banana back is a funny way of describing what can happen for yoga practitioners who are super flexible, but not necessarily strong, or just don’t have a keen awareness of this area. 

As always, we want to do our best to balance the two qualities of strength and flexibility. Any time we do a movement that requires engaging the muscles that extend the hip, depending on our level of flexibility in the low back or lumbar spine area, there is a possibility that we may be creating the extension from our back and not our actual hip muscles. 

This matters for a couple of reasons:

• Our hip extending muscles tend to be weak due to our modern lifestyles. Muscles on the front of the body tend to be short and tight from hours of sitting; muscles on the back of the body tend to be overstretched and weak for similar reasons.

• This muscle group tends to be weaker in men than women for physiological reasons.

• Lumbar spinal issues tend to be the most common, due to many of the reasons above. There is a transition point in the spine in this area (there are several similar ones throughout the spine) that tends to be more vulnerable to misuse.

So what’s the solution? Using the muscles that were meant to do the thing to do the thing! And attention to detail of course.

I’m sure there’s a name for this pose but I’ll be darned if I can find it! If you know it, let me know!

In the picture above you’ll see a well supported version of this balancing pose that asks us to resist the pull of gravity when we lift the leg in particular. Some specific things to note:

• I’m not lifting the leg higher than my hip. This isn’t about range of motion. It’s about a well supported lumbar spine and a strengthening action of contraction in the glutes and hamstrings.

• My low back is in a natural curve, rather than an over accentuated one. The amount of curvature will vary across the bodies of different practitioners but for me, this is pretty good.

• This may be harder to see in a picture, but everything that touches the earth is pressing DOWN fairly strongly. Engagement with the earth helps awaken core support.

Contrast this with the picture below. 

Ouch!

I hope you can see the difference. For me I could definitely FEEL the difference! Having brought some attention to this detail of my own practice for some time now, doing this movement without the core engagement, lifting my leg way too high and letting my ribs flare toward the ground instead of up towards the sky made this pose feel AWFUL on my low back and my other joints that were bearing weight. 

When I work in this posture in this way, there’s a sense of connection that isn’t there otherwise. My body feels like one cohesive whole, rather than a bunch of parts doing something but not necessarily working together.

I hope you found this explanation helpful! Let me know in the comments. :-)

What is Chaturanga, Why Should You Care and How to Get There (someday)

📸 credit @ginahouse

What is Chaturanga? 🤔

I realized recently in class that some of you have been wondering what this mysterious Sanskrit word means for some time!

Chaturanga translates to four limbed staff pose and is the posture you see pictured here. You’ll often find this posture in the sequence of poses called “a vinyasa” that goes - down dog, plank, chaturanga, up dog, down dog.

Why should you care about this pose?

This pose gets a lot of attention in the yoga world because it can be so difficult to perform well. The high number of repetitions you’ll find of this pose in a typical vinyasa yoga class and the fast speed at which they’re performed can also can invite sloppiness and therefore repetitive stress injury over time. However, if done well this posture can be very beneficial for modern bodies in many ways.

This posture and the strength you’ve gained when you’re able to do it well are also a prerequisite for postures such as arm balances and some inversions. Find confidence here and you’re more likely to have confidence in those poses as well.

As with any yoga posture (or with anything worth doing really), attention to the technical details allow for greater understanding and discernment in their execution. That translates to more safety, more ease, more knowing of yourself and your body… in short, more yoga (i.e. union). And isn’t that what we’re all looking for anyway?

How do you get there?

One way you can get yourself ready for doing a good healthy Chaturanga is by doing some fairly simple mini pushups with the knees down.

I know. I should put a trigger warning on the word pushup.

But it really isn’t that bad. As with any yoga movement, YOU get to decide how intense (or not) this one is.

The key things to remember are that you want to make sure your elbows HUG IN toward your ribs strongly (very different from the way most of us were taught to do pushups in the past) and that your elbows point BACK toward your hips as you bend them.

Some other important details - don’t let the head drop forward and don’t let the low ribs flare out. In other words, make sure your core is working to support your spine so you don’t get overly curved in your low back.

Here’s a video to help you visualize this strengthening movement:

Careful repetition with attention to the details, like so many things, is key to building the strength you’ll need for a good Chaturanga.

I hope that helps start to make this pose more accessible for you. Stay tuned for a workshop all about this pose next month and in the meantime, feel free to leave me a comment with any questions you have!

P.S. Check out our YouTube channel! We’re starting to add more content over there about yoga, meditation, mantra and more each week!

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Self Regulation: The Key to a Happy Life?

Life is messy. But if you’re reading this, you’ve probably been around long enough to know that. 

In the yoga and spiritual community there’s often a notion that if you just think positively and align your chakras just so and make your full moon intentions, while drinking your green juice at the stroke of 6am after three hours of meditation everything will be just fine.

And that’s all good stuff, but the universe can also from time to time look at all that, laugh and say,

“Oh yeah? How about THIS!”

What do you do in that moment?

You probably already know.

• Scream.

• Cry.

• Throw a fit or an object.

• Give up.

• Curse a blue streak to the point where you don’t call your Mom for a week because you’re pretty sure she’ll know about your behavior even if you live several states apart.

• Become a giant ball of stress that moves through the world like hurricane, demolishing everything in its path.

Don’t worry. Me too.

I think a lot of people are attracted to yoga because they think they will learn how to NOT be that person in those moments. I’m here to tell you, after a reasonable amount of time and practice, that notion is false.

I’m still that person. Ask my husband about the last time the printer didn’t work while I was working on a deadline to get something done.

But here’s what IS different:

• Those moments are farther apart. 

• The little things that used to set me off all the time have lost their ability to do so. 

• And in the times when I do turn into that hurricane that I mentioned above, my recovery time is a little better.

All of that is due to my yoga practice and the tools of self-regulation that are inherent to the practice. 

Self regulation is hard to define on its own, so we might define it by the feelings it generates. When we are self-regulated we feel grounded, centered, and present in the moment. On the flip side, when one is dis-regulated there is a general lack of control over one’s emotional state and/or behavior.  We are reactive rather than responsive, impulsive rather than thought out. 

Hence that streak of blue language referenced above. * ahem *

So what are the tools of yoga that help us achieve self regulation? Here are a couple of my favorites:

Notice your surroundings - what do you see around you? What colors, textures or patterns do you see? If you’re in a familiar place, can you find some detail that you may have missed before?

Grounding - feel your connection to the earth. Whatever is touching the ground is your foundation and your connection to stable, calm energy. Feel the quality of that connection.

Breath - learning to slow and control your breathing activates the rest and digest response. A single deep breath can start to turn down the flood gates of all those chemicals and hormones that have you feeling like you’re ready to fight a grizzly bear (Pro tip: you are really no match for an actual grizzly bear. Take a deep breath and know what to do should you be the type of person that might be out in grizzly country. Just saying.).

These are wonderful ways to help you self regulate. But here is the main key:

You must practice them when it/life/things are EASY so you remember them when it/life/things are HARD.

Without practice, you can know the best tools, but you won’t be able to use them when you need them most.

We’ll be working with these tools all this month in my public classes. I hope you’ll join me for practice.

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Hiking and Yoga Reflections

Have you really looked at our logo for our Yoga and Hiking series? If you look closely you’ll see that what appears to be the air pathways in the lungs are actually upside-down trees! I purposely had this created (thanks Laurie!) to reflect a vision I had while driving back from one of my own hikes one day.

We talk about it in yoga all the time - the idea that we’re all one, all connected, all part of a bigger whole. I think we often think about other people in that context, but we don’t often think about all the other living beings that surround us.

As I looked at the trees around me on this drive home, I suddenly noticed how much their underlying structure - the trunk, limbs and branches - looked exactly like the illustrations we often see of human lung tissue and the pathways the air travels through in order for us to exchange oxygen for carbon dioxide. It then wasn’t a big leap for me to consider how that without these trees and their ability to photosynthesize, that life-giving oxygen I breathe would not be nearly so readily available. And if we take it one step further, the carbon dioxide I exhale feeds the trees and gives them the raw materials for their own life sustaining needs. And so the cycle continues.

It’s this kind of realization of our connectedness to nature and each other that I hoped our Yoga and Hiking Series would allow people to start to experience. Over the course of our 9 week series we had such a wonderful time taking in so many beautiful spaces within a 30 minute drive from the studio in Milford. We made new friends, took the time to really notice our surroundings and our own bodies, were inspired by the beautiful words of many great writers and poets (thank you Iris for your beautiful readings!) and saw pieces of Mother Nature that we may not have noticed without the awareness we cultivated through our yoga practice.

Thank you to everyone that joined us over the course of the summer! If you haven’t heard, we’re cooking up some ideas for continuing these experiences through the fall and into the winter, so stay tuned for more!

Here are a few pictures from some of our outings.

Focus on the Good

I was talking with a friend the other day and she was lamenting how every time she seems to set a new habit for herself, or tried to begin to find better balance in her life, she either falls back into an old habit after some time or gives herself permission to take a break because of some other circumstance (like it being summer). Sound familiar? It sure did to me! It can really make you feel defeated sometimes. But here’s another way of thinking about this common problem.

You may have heard the old myth (or even given it a test run for yourself) that you can form a new habit in 21 days. If you’ve ever tried it you may also have noticed that it might not have really stuck after that time. While our brains are amazing in their ability to adapt, it may not be that simple.

Our brains also have a negativity bias. This basically means that are brains have evolved to be extra vigilant for negative interactions, thoughts, experiences and situations. They evolved this way because it was a skill that allowed us to not only survive as a species, but to pass on our genes. So we are much more likely to remember the things that we “failed” at, rather than what we actually accomplished. (See the wonderful book Buddha’s Brain for more on this phenomenon.)

So what’s a girl to do?!?

Focus on the good and just start over.

We have to train our minds to notice the good things. How good you feel at the end of a yoga class versus the fact that you didn’t make it to class last week. The habit that you did start and managed to maintain for several weeks before life got crazy and threw you off. If we can recognize what is possible and what we have accomplished it will be much easier to let go of whatever negative thoughts or stories we’ve told ourselves and just start again.

So if you’ve found that the busyness of summer has thrown you off some good habit or way of being, or you’ve simply let it go because it is a time of year to take a break, remember it’s all about balance. Remember that you are capable, you can be successful and just like in a meditation practice, you can just start again.

Press Pause

Routines are good. They keep us steady in our day to day lives. They ensure our clothes are clean, our bodies are clean, we’re fed regularly, the people we’re responsible for caring for are cared for and we get enough sleep. But every now and then, breaking with routine and doing something different can have a profound effect on how we see our routines and might help us do something better or different in an important way. And now just might be the perfect time.

When’s the last time you got out of your routine? Have you even thought about how may routines you have in your life?! Some examples might be:

• The way you drive to work every day

• Your daily hygiene

• Your exercise program

• Your food regimen

• The type of meditation practice you do

• How you relate to the important people in your life

• What you do when you first wake up in the morning

Any of these could be a good thing to have in your life. Routines often keep us grounded. They can help steady us through the inevitable ups and downs of life. They can help us maintain our health and sanity. 

But what if there’s something you want to change? What if there’s a pattern in your life that just doesn’t seem to be serving you? Or is actually doing you or your relationships harm?

That’s where a shake up might come in handy. Maybe it’s time to press the pause button on that routine and step outside the day to day so you can see the world (and yourself) differently.

Maybe you’ve been on a weight-loss journey and you’ve been at a plateau for a time. You had been steadily making progress but you seem to have stalled. This can be SO frustrating. But what if you changed up your exercise routine a bit? What if you got outside and did some hiking instead of your usual weightlifting routine? Or went for a swim instead of running on a treadmill? You might find that you A) find another form of exercise you really like and B) jumpstart your weight-loss by changing how you use your body. 

Maybe this has nothing to do with loosing weight but with your exercise regiment itself. Changing up your activities might help you build strength and flexibility or cardiovascular fitness in a way that wasn’t happening with your other routine. You might even find a different activity becomes a great compliment to your usual forms of movement (hiking and yoga anyone?! ;-) ).

What if you wanted to change your relationship with someone close to you. Often our reactions to the people around us can fall into routines too. These can be some of the hardest to break because they are SO ingrained in us and are often so tied to our emotions. We might (if we’re lucky) even have the awareness to see it happening in the moment, but feel completely unable to change the response because we are so caught in the reactivity of the moment. 

Maybe it’s time for a vacation. Believe me, I don’t say those words lightly. I know full well how difficult this can be for reasons that can range from financial investment to work responsibilities or lack of paid vacation to the simple coordination with the rest of the family and all THEIR similar situations. However, you really can’t put a price tag on the time to reconnect with the people you love.

But we’re just talking about breaking out of your routine here. So maybe it’s just an overnight camping trip to that campground down the road (NH State parks have an amazing array of close and far away sites for as little as $23.00/night depending on the type of amenities you require) or an AirBnB a short drive away (some of the most interesting and memorable “vacations” I’ve had have been right here in NH in someone else’s backyard!). Maybe you just take the day off and go to the beach and turn off your cell phone for the day.

Maybe you do one of these things all by yourself. You might be surprised how liberating that can be and how much it may make you realize you value the people closest to you. 

These are just a few ideas to help you shake things up a bit in your life. Which one will you try?!

Pause and reflect

Today I thought I’d share a bit of my personal story and why the Gayatri mantra and mantra practice means so much to me. 

If you’ve read my bio or known me for any length of time you may know that 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with a spinal tumor in my neck. The tumor was discovered completely accidentally (although I’ve come to believe that there are no accidents, only grace). I was under the care of a chiropractor for low back pain who decided it was time to get an MRI. I still have no idea to this day why he ordered low back AND neck films but that decision was what lead to the discovery. 

I remember walking into his office for my next appointment, medical books strewn around the room while he gave me the news. I was prepared to hear something about my bones or discs, nothing like this. I still remember asking with disbelief as the news sunk in, “Are you telling me I have cancer?!” And his reply being less than sure. 

After seeing a surgical specialist two days later I learned my tumor was rare. They’re usually found in the brain, not the spinal column. My tumor was still quite small, only 1cm x 1cm and while I was completely asymptomatic (hence a great deal of the surprise I think), the films showed the the position of my spinal cord was already being affected.  

The tumor was positioned between my 5th and 6th cervical vertebrae. It was inside the sac around the spinal cord that holds the spinal fluid. To remove it, the back of those two vertebrae would need to be removed and the sac opened. The sac would then be closed with a “biological glue” as it was explained to me, but the bones would not be replaced. 

Surgery was necessary, unavoidable and would certainly be delicate.

I eventually made my way to the spine center at Columbia Presbyterian hospital in NYC where I met with a doctor who had done hundreds of these procedures and turned out to be the number two surgeon in the country for my condition. A surgery date was set and all that was left to do was pre-op paperwork and exams and a lot of waiting. 

To say I was terrified would be the understatement of the century. I did feel I was in good hands with my surgical team, but this was unlike anything I had ever imagined. 

Let me tell you about the other coincidences along the way. 

I happened to find a yoga studio to call home a month before my diagnosis. It was the studio where I would eventually do my first yoga teacher training. 

The surgeon I eventually had do the surgery started taking my insurance just 6 weeks before I saw him for the first time. 

No accidents, only grace.

The nurse that coordinated my intake and all the things that needed to happen before the surgery was amazing. I asked her one day if there was someone I could talk to who had been through something like this. She found someone who I did eventually speak to who put some of my fears at ease. Her case had been far more severe and she was living a normal life. I had good hope that my result should be no different. 

The waiting was the worst. I’m not the most patient person. I certainly wasn’t then. I really needed to DO something. My doctor had said the condition I was in when I went into surgery would be the condition I would be in after my recovery.

I started going to more yoga classes. And my teacher introduced me to mantra and chanting and the idea of a daily mantra practice. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Something I could do each day to calm my mind and my fears. Something to make me feel better while I bounced between wanting it all to be over and not wanting it to happen at all.

So I got a mala and started a practice. Somewhere along the way, the idea of the 40 day sadhana crossed my path. That also seemed like a good idea. So I went to a calendar and started counting out 40 days from the day I had started.

The 40th day just happened to be the day before my surgery. 

No accidents, only grace.

The mantra I chose was the short form of the Gayatri mantra, the mantra we are practicing in classes all this month. I didn’t know at the time, but that mantra is said to be a “master mantra” and to bring in spiritual light. I firmly believe it helped save my life.

My “street cred” as I like to call it.

The day of the surgery eventually came. My mother and fiancé (now husband) went to the hospital with me. I still believe on that day they had the hardest job; waiting for me to be done. I was in surgery for over 4 hours, ICU/recovery for several more and didn’t get moved to a room until late in the day. I spent 5 days in the hospital, the first two flat on my back, unable to sit up higher than a 10 degree angle to be sure I wasn’t leaking spinal fluid. I remember thinking during those days that the invention of the catheter was pretty darn amazing. 

My recovery was long but I did recover. I went on to start my first yoga teacher training that fall. I got married the following year. I’ve had all the amazing ups and downs that life has to offer in the past 10 years. I’ve been given a second chance. I’m grateful for every next breath. And I do my best to live a life that reflects the amazing opportunity to live that I’ve been given. 

Mostly, I look back and I’m amazed at the transformation this event brought about in me. I’m a better person, a stronger person and a person with a very different set of values than I was before this happened for me. While I wouldn’t ask for it again, I wouldn’t change a thing.