Yes AND Thinking: Reflections on the Coronavirus Pandemic One Year Later

The transition between winter and spring can be a deep time of transformation for the earth and for our own bodies and minds. I have a feeling that for many of us, this year this transition will reveal a lot of collective grief, and hopefully, some deep healing. 

In fact, today marks the one year anniversary of the last public class I taught in the space in Milford. The memory of what transpired that day that prompted me to (what I thought was temporarily) close the studio doors in the interest of safety for everyone is still incredibly vivid in my memory. The governor’s announcements that afternoon, the small number of students that dared to show up that evening, my own fear and so many other factors. 

What followed was a year of challenges and changes that no one could have imagined. I don't think it's being dramatic to say that our lives have been forever changed by what the pandemic brought to us and through us. 

And I don’t think that is all necessarily negative. 

The losses are unimaginable. If you have lost someone to this horrible virus I send you my deepest sympathies. There’s nothing that can be said to ease that pain and there’s no way to make sense of why that had to be. 

In quiet conversations over zoom or the phone with others I also find myself and others saying that the way things were wasn’t really working. That things like being unable to see family, being unable to travel, being witness to the incredible suffering of the moment, job loss and job transformation amongst many other things have been incredibly clarifying. Would we have chosen it to go this way? Definitely not. But here we are. We are changed. Some things for the better.

As I look back, If I had to say what the biggest lesson I learned in this time was, and it’s really a fairly recent understanding, it would be simply this: Some things are not within my control. 

No duh Jessica, I hear you say.  

But hear me out - perhaps its my personality, but I have always believed that with hard work, dedication and the right tools, I could change whatever it was that needed changing. My health, my marriage, my financial situation, my environment, my teaching - anything. And in the last year I have definitely taken steps and worked hard to change all those things for the better. I’ve made conscious choices to make important improvements for myself whether it was getting out for daily walks with my husband during the month he was furloughed, taking a reading class, choosing to finish my 500 hour teacher training online, making a concerted effort to pay off personal debt, showing up consistently to teach online classes throughout it all when it would have been so easy to just quit and retreat into my own little world of fear and so many other small and large choices along the way. 

It was absolutely worth the effort. 

AND there is still a pandemic. 

I can teach the best yoga class ever (whatever that means! 😂) AND some people will still not come. I can’t change that.

I can do everything within my power to stay healthy and well AND I will still age and I will eventually die. I can’t change that.

I can pay off my car and do regular maintenance all by the book AND a hurricane might come along and drop a tree on my car. I can’t change that.

What I CAN change is my attitude. What I can change is my death grip of thinking I have total control. Because I don’t. That realization has actually been a relief. I can continue to do the “right” things and know that it’s still worth the effort because I WILL change the things worth changing AND I can recognize that some things are not within my grasp. I can release myself from that heavy sense of responsibility that isn’t accurate at all.

As the Yoga Sutra says, we only see the world through our own lens of experience. Maybe your experience is different than mine. But I’m really glad to have come through this to this point (because as much as I would like it to be, it isn’t over) with a sense that I can drop the burdens that aren’t mine. That I can create change and do so much good and that some things just aren’t within my ability to change and that’s actually really ok. I can really engage in what I call Yes And Thinking and recognize that there is a yin and a yang, an up and down, a yes and a no and all of it is just as it should be.

AND I still can not wait to hug my parents again.

What’s your biggest takeaway from the last year?

I’d love to hear from you. Leave me a comment below or contact me privately here.

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7 Self Care Items to Double Down on This Winter (and a gift for you!)

If I’m hearing it from so many places, I’m sure you are too. The next couple of months are going to be difficult. It’s dark at 4pm, the weather is cold and dreary and the slow burn trauma of the pandemic is continuing to hit closer and closer to home. With these realities comes the recommendation to double down on self care. But what if you’re in such a mental space that you can’t even think of what to do to feel better? I’ve got a simple list of 7 Self Care Items to Double Down on This Winter and a little gift to help you remember. These are the things I’m doubling down on myself. I hope they help you too!

1. Reach out - Phone a friend, text someone, get on that zoom call or go for a socially distanced walk (yes, even in the cold). Connection to other humans (and seeing them in 3D if you can do so safely) is so important right now. This is especially true for humans that don’t live in your home. We love our immediate families, but our extended family and friends are important too!

2. Be playful - You may feel like doing anything but playing right now, but what if you spent a moment or two playing with your cat, dog, hamster, child, grandchild or hedgehog?? I bet they would be more than ready to oblige and they might bring a smile to your face too! When’s the last time you dusted off the board games or took out the playing cards? Maybe there’s something else that you do for play that you’ve forgotten about? Adults need playfulness too! So go glitter bomb those cards or get out the paints and allow yourself to play!

3. Meditation - Here’s an interesting tidbit I read recently. Meditation increases blood flow to the prefrontal cortex of your brain. This is the area responsible for really important things like regulating impulses (no you don’t need to put yet another Christmas gift you can’t afford on your credit card!) and the execution, order and and timing of sequential acts towards a goal. Want to know what to do next when that next difficult choice comes up? MEDITATE NOW. You’ll be glad you did. Don’t know how? I’ve got some downloads that can help.

4. Healthy Food - We all know it’s the time of year when we are more likely to throw caution to the wind and indulge in all those holiday treats we may have loved as a child. I’m right there with you. And I think there’s something actually healthy about that. But I also believe in the 80/20 rule. Make your choices in food better for you 80 percent of the time and your body, mind and spirit will thank you. Now pass the egg nog! 😉

5. Gratitude - It’s so simple but so overlooked. There are still things to be grateful for right now. Really! Write down 3 things each morning, evening or both and your mindset will start to transform. Be sure to do your best to really allow yourself to FEEL that gratitude deeply. It actually rewires your brain and that’s something we all need right now.

6. Movement - Take a yoga class! Or go for a walk. Or dance around your living room to your favorite song between zoom calls with your camera off and freak out the cat. Just get yourself moving somehow. Stagnation doesn’t feel good. Get your heart pumping so you can remember that you are alive and how precious a gift that really is, particularly right now.

7. Sleep - I know zoning out watching Hallmark movies until 3am just kinda happens but I can’t impress upon you enough the transformational power of sleep. More and more studies are showing that not sleeping is worse than smoking and other similar things that we know aren’t healthy for us. Sleep is when your brain takes out the literal and figurative trash. It’s just so important to your overall health and wellbeing. If you struggle in this department make sure your room is cool and dark, get the screens out of the bedroom and turn them off two hours before bed and go to bed and get up at the same time EVERY day (that last one is tough but trust me, it works!).

Are you going to get all of these done every single day? Probably not. Could you do one? I bet you could! Will you feel absolutely wonderful and fine if you do all these things? Probably not. Life still happens. But you’ll be able to come back to your center much more quickly when life throws you for a loop.

To help you remember to do at least one thing from this list EACH DAY I’ve created these phone wallpapers for you. Just load this blog post on your phone and save your favorite. Make it your Lock Screen or your Home Screen so you can remember to check one thing off the list each day.

And please, if you are seriously struggling with your mental health or are contemplating suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 800-273-8255 in the USA or contact an organization like NAMI for mental health resources. You matter and we need you here doing your work in this world.

Wishing you health and safety as we move forward into this next season. 💙🙏🕉

If you’re having trouble fitting my livestream classes into your daily schedule consider trying out my On Demand Membership via Patreon. You’ll find all the details on accessing On Demand Membership here!

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Finding Balance During the Holidays

Been feeling a bit out of balance lately? Me too. According to Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga, we are well into Vata season which can make us feel a little bit spacey, dry out our skin, make our digestion a little questionable and leave us generally just feeling ungrounded. And it sure did seem to sneak up on us quickly this year! What’s worse, we know that the holiday season is close at hand and all of these things may get exacerbated even more by all the hustle and bustle and stress.

But Yoga and Ayurveda are here to help! Here are a few simple ideas to help you maintain balance (and maybe even your sanity) as the busy holiday season approaches.

The qualities of Vata are light, dry, rough, clear, active, cold and mobile.

The tastes associated with Vata are pungent, bitter and astringent.

These are the qualities and tastes that we want to AVOID at this time of year. There is a basic principle in Ayurveda that says Like Increases Like. If you remember that little catch phrase, you’ll know just what to do. Here are some examples relevant to the holiday season:

At a holiday party? Avoid the dry crackers and cold raw veggies. Now is definitely not the time for the salad! Head for the soup, especially if it has a root vegetable base. Warm mulled apple cider with some warming spices is a great choice for a beverage. Go easy on the alcohol, they don’t call it fire water for no reason! Find the items that are cooked, not super spicy, maybe even a little bit sweet and have some weight to them. Mmm… pumpkin pie…

Got a million family members to see? Try your best to not over schedule yourself. Can you spread out the merriment over the course of the holidays? Maybe you see Aunt Tilly at Thanksgiving, and then see Aunt Marge the week after. Or maybe you can even wait to see those friends you’ve been meaning to see until after the New Year. It will give you a little break from all the running around to recover (see active and mobile above) and prolonging the joy of the holiday season isn’t the worst thing in the world (providing you find it joyful, but that’s for another post).

Got some outdoor activities planned? Maybe you have a tradition of cutting your own Christmas tree or caroling with friends or family. Maybe you go for a hike on New Years Day. Great!! Just pay special attention to staying warm. Don’t forget to leave a good quality thermos with some of that hot cider or hot chocolate in the car for when you’re done and make sure you have a good layering system. If you’re like me and you always seem to have cold hands and feet no matter how good your gloves or socks are, consider picking up some chemical hand warmers or maybe even ask someone to get you a rechargeable hand warmer for a holiday gift or maybe even these reusable ones.

Outside of the days and times of celebrating, here are a few other ideas:

Maintain a daily routine - I find this one particularly challenging, especially with my all-over-the-place work schedule, but as I’ve been reminded lately, keeping some kind of daily routine is huge for balancing Vata. It really doesn’t have to be complicated. As I mentioned in this video, one thing I’ve implemented lately is a strict sleep and wake schedule. Just that little container for my day has made a huge difference in my energy levels in a short period of time. And hey, maybe that’s a good excuse to get out of that party you really didn’t want to go to a little sooner anyway ( What?! Don’t tell me you don’t have those! ;-) ). If you really want to go for it in this area you might investigate Ayurveda’s recommendations for a full daily routine.

Choose physical exercise that is slow and grounding - Yoga anyone? But seriously! Your yoga practice can either help relieve your symptoms this time of year or make them worse. If you always do a hot, fast paced practice it may be time to slow it down and cool it off just a bit. Maybe you add some strength training to your weekly exercise regimen (this is really never a bad idea at any time of year). Walking can be a great form of exercise and time in nature can be very balancing to Vata, but be sure you’re staying warm if you head outside.

Create a home environment that is soothing - The Danish concept of hygge was pretty popular a year or two ago and it still holds true for this time of year, especially in places like New Hampshire that are cold and dark. Light some candles, put on the big sweater, drink copious amounts of your favorite tea, turn off the TV, fire up the fire place and enjoy some coziness and warmth.

Up your self care game - This can be tough when we’re just SO BUSY and have so many things to do. But if you don’t fill your own cup you have nothing to give. Consider that what your loved ones really want is the best version of YOU this holiday season, and that isn’t going to be the you that is stressed to the max trying to make it all happen. Go get a massage. Book an acupuncture appointment. Shut the door to the office and do some Yoga Nidra. Take the time to read a good book for pleasure rather than study or research. Do what will nourish you the most and protect that time like you would any other important appointment.

If you want to learn more about Ayurveda and your own personal constitution I highly recommend taking the quiz on the Banyan Botanicals website (no affiliation, just love their resources). You’ll learn more about your particular make up and what may be out of balance for you right now. And if you find yourself really wanting to know more, head over to Amala Wellness and get a consultation with Susan Morgan, a real Ayurvedic practitioner in our area who can do a full evaluation and get you headed in the right direction for your own wellness goals and unique constitution.

I hope you found these ideas helpful! Did I miss something? I’d love to hear what you’re doing to keep yourself in balance during this busy time of year. Leave me a comment to let me know and share with our community!

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The perfect breathing practice to relieve stress and anxiety

In all my classes this month we are focusing on our breathing. Breathing and yoga go together like bread and butter, but it can take a bit of practice to make it all work. The overall effect is a calmer mind and body when done well. While the breathing practice we try to maintain during a vinyasa practice, called ujayi breath, is wonderful calming breath, if you’re experiencing stress and anxiety there’s another one should should really consider practicing.

That breath is alternate nostril breath.

I often say I wish I had known about this breath when I was auditioning for orchestras when playing the bassoon was the career I thought I’d spend my life in. The anxiety of that experience always left me with shaky hands, a dry mouth and not much in the way of coping mechanisms to work with that bodily state other than taking more auditions. Now, I use this breath any time I’m experiencing stress or anxiety. The key though is to have an established practice. Only then will you remember to do it in your time of need.

Alternate nostril breath is said to balance the energy channels on the two sides of the body. Those energy channels just happen to coincide with our two nostrils. The right side is said to be the more energetic side, the left side is said to be the more calming side. By doing this breathing practice you are bringing those two sides into greater balance and harmony. The effect can often be felt after just a few repetitions.

Here’s how to practice this breath:

First, choose a hand position that works for you. I usually offer three different possibilities. The first is Vishnu mudra. The first two fingers are curled into your palm. You use your thumb and the last two fingers to alternately open and close the nostrils. It looks like this:

The second possibility is to instead take the first two fingers and anchor them at your third eye space or the space between your eyebrows. Just as above, the thumb and pinky fingers are then free to open and close the nostrils. That looks like this:

The third option is to just choose to do it however is most comfortable for you! That might look something like this:

Once you have a hand position that works for you you’ll then follow this sequence to perform this breathing practice (these instructions assume you are using your right hand):

1. Close the right nostril with your right thumb and inhale through the left nostril.

2. Immediately close the left nostril with your right ring finger and little finger, and at the same time remove your thumb from the right nostril, and exhale through this nostril.

3. Inhale through the right nostril. Immediately close the right nostril with your right thumb and exhale through the left nostril. This completes one full round.

You’ll continue this sequence for about 3-6 rounds to start. Allow the breathing to be slow and deep without being forced. Always end with the exhale through the left nostril (remember how we said this was the calming side above? That’s why. We want to end on a calm note!).

When you’re finished, take a few breaths through both nostrils and take the time to notice the effect of your practice.

If you are experiencing congestion or there is a blockage in the nostrils best not to try to do this breath. If you’ve been practicing it for a while, imagining it can be highly effective as well, but you first need to have an established practice.

You can practice this breath a couple times a day for a couple of rounds to start out. Over time as it becomes more comfortable, you can extend how many rounds you do at once. With time and practice you’ll notice a greater calming effect. You may also find this breath helpful in times when your energy is feeling low. The balancing quality of the breath works the other way as well.

Did you find this helpful? Do you practice this breath regularly? Do you have questions about this practice? Let me know in the comments!

When yoga isn't enough...

The quote above is one I think of often as I interact with people wherever I am. We all have our moments when we act less than skillfully. The reasons can be many and varied given the day. But sometimes it's not a matter of being skillful or unskillful. Sometimes it's simply a matter of having a very human experience depending on the challenges we are facing in the moment. Yoga gives us some really wonderful tools for navigating life's challenges.

But I'm here to tell you it isn't always enough.

You may be quite surprised to have a yoga teacher tell you that, but I speak from personal experience. Sometimes yoga just isn't enough to get you through. Sometimes there is no amount of breathing, meditation, movement, mindfulness, philosophy, prayer or focusing on the divine that is going to help you make your way through the challenges of the moment. Sometimes it is just so dark and you are so far down that you may not even be able to call upon your steady practice to get you out.

I've been there. And not so long ago.

After I moved the studio to Milford I reached a breaking point. I have battled anxiety and depression since I was 15 years old, so anxiety attacks were not unfamiliar. It was somewhat interesting to me that it happened AFTER the move was done, but about a month later I started having anxiety attacks that were so bad I really thought I might need to go to the hospital because there was something wrong with my heart. Many challenges were conspiring to bring that about at the time. Moving the studio, my first year teaching a teacher training, personal relationship challenges, etc. Sure I used my yogic tools, but they kept happening and they were approaching debilitating. It was time for something else.

Therapy.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I'm observing so many things lately in our world. The stigma around life not being neat and perfect (blame social media if you will but this was happening in the world long before social media). The lack of coping mechanisms we are typically brought up with in this society. The shame that often surrounds needing to ask for help, even from those that are closest to us. This is all a recipe for not only unhappiness, but depending on the severity of the issues, danger.

I'm here to tell you that life can really suck sometimes and asking for help is not a shameful act. It's the greatest act of self love and self care you can do. That doesn't mean it's easy. That doesn't mean it isn't hard, but it is so important.

So, I have a therapist. I speak to her nearly every week. She helps me process what's happening in my life at the moment. She helps me process things from my past. She helps me see that I have choices in every moment. She helps me look at the world differently when things are just too overwhelming to bear. She helps me see how my past colors my present and that when I really look at the dark shadows, I can shed light on them and I can be and feel different in the here and now. She listens to me and helps me understand that yes, I have faced more than my fair share of "stuff" and that I'm not crazy to feel the way I feel sometimes. 

And as a bonus, she knows who Krishna Das is.

Therapy doesn't make me a bad yogi. It makes me a smart one. I knew that I couldn't climb my way out of my anxiety on my own. I knew that it was time to face some of the demons that had been swept under the rug for far too long. I knew myself well enough to reach out when I couldn't solve it myself and THAT is something that DID come from my yoga practice. As Sally Kempton speaks about in this interview, I was lucky enough to have a solid enough practice and enough experience with discernment to know that my pain was doing injury, not helping me grow. Rather than staying with it, it was time to make a change.

If you are struggling with the deep hard things of life, definitely do your practice. But also don't be afraid to ask for help beyond the yoga mat. Call a friend or family member and see if they can talk to you. Maybe you don't even talk about what's bothering you at the moment but you just talk. Maybe that person knows a good therapist. Maybe you call a national hotline. But remember that therapy is out there and while it may take more than one try to find a person that resonates with you, the seeking is worth it. You are worth it. 

If you are local and looking for help and don't know where to begin please check out Milford Regional Counseling Services. I don't have personal experience with them but I've heard good things. If you don't have health insurance they may be able to help.

I wish you peace and a guiding light of hope as you find your way through whatever challenges life is serving you at this moment.